Date:	2009-11-27 23:17
Subject:	I have a LJ account?
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained

It seems I do. Quite a shock. I've never been any good at keeping blogs or diaries because...

a) I can't remember half of the things I've done.
b) half of the things I do are either insignificant or best left unexplored by a mainstream audience.

I can, however, sum up what's been happening during the past few years.

I've been drawing, most of the time. I realized I should work out, so I did some exercising and started paying attention to a proper diet. I'm taking it slow and I occasionally eat sweets and junk food, but I've lost ten kilos during the last year, which is quite a lot for a short person like me.

Back in September I came in fourth in a very big national comic drawing contest and my comic made an appearance in the biggest tabloid in Finland. Also, for the first time in my life I'm actually getting paid for illustrating a real book. Although I'm still trying to find my niche in this dog-eat-dog world, nowadays I'm actually getting paid for the freelancing work I do.

I've been playing some games, reading books and watching good movies and that sort of stuff. I mean, who hasn't? These things indicate that despite having occasional illusions of being a unique snowflake, I'm actually quite an ordinary person, and if you still happen to be reading this entry for some bizarre reason or another, I apologize for utterly wasting your time.

Date:	2007-09-11 04:26
Subject:	Disappointed but determined
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined

Since April I've been trying to get this one commissioner to send me my payment. The drawing I did for her was one of my very first commissions and I was foolish enough not to ask for the money in advance. I actually thought I could trust this person - how silly of me! I don't mind the fact that I've lost 30$. That's not a big amount of money. But what enfuriates me is that I've been told lies and excuses for so long. I've even been told to "fuck off".

If I come to the conclusion that the money is lost and that I'm dealing with a fraud, I'm going to do whatever I can to stop this person from conning other artists in the future. I've found out that she's very notorious for not paying people, so at least I've got a number of other artists to back me up if I decide to try and get her reported in (and hopefully banned from) the art communities she is currently involved in.

I hate this situation, but I can't give up because I hate dishonest and irresponsible people even more.

Date:	2007-04-24 20:29
Subject:	Peeking from under a rock
Security:	Public
Mood:	melancholy

Woah, it's been like... AGES since I wrote anything here. I think I'm going to take myself by the scruff of my neck and start updating my blog more often.

There's not much news except news that by now are old news. They might be new news to someone, but then again everyone I know here probably knows me elsewhere so there's a big chance that new news would be old news to everyone. The reason I'm feeling melancholy is that I've had to deal with some minor hardships this week. They bring me down, but I try to keep smiling.

I'm going to tell you some new news the next time I update my blog. But don't hold your breath 'cause I've heard it's not healthy on the long run.

Now, on a totally unrelated note... Did you know that stallions and male mice don't have nipples? The mind boggles.

Date:	2006-11-24 17:18
Subject:	Still alive, sort of
Security:	Public
Mood:	apathetic
Music:	October Project - Paths of Desire

Recently I've been pretty busy with my studies. I also decided to spice up my homepage and clean out some old pics I had uploaded there. It's still pretty much in the process of, uh, being processed, but I managed to delegate the most technical bits to my s.o. He's very good at knowing how things ought to work. =)

Other than that, I've been feeling cold, slow and annoyed at my roommate. I get the feeling she's deliberately ignoring me again. Perhaps I should leave her alone... For like, a month or so. I wonder if she'd even notice. It's a sad feeling, when you have very few friends and you get the impression that your company is not wanted. =(

Date:	2006-10-31 22:07
Subject:	Cold feet
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold

I mean this literally. My apartment is frigging cold! I have to sleep in a sleeping bag to keep myself from turning into a human ice cube. This entry will be brief, because I have to go back to bed before my fingers go all numb.

Good things:

Flatout 2 - I like this game more than I thought I would. The stunts are insane!
Sims 2 Pets - Very fun expansion pack. Now you can even turn your poor sim into a werewolf.
Daylight saving time - I get to sleep one hour longer.
Cats - My cats Piki and Noki are warm and cute.

Bad, bad things:

It's cold! - Brrrrh! Somebody save me!
The books I borrowed from a local library are due - I wanted to keep them longer.
Tiredness - I can't get enough sleep no matter what.
Hunger - I hunger... for flesh. And candy.

Date:	2006-10-19 00:40
Subject:	Pro Gradu
Security:	Public
Mood:	busy
Music:	Zelda 64 River of Time Remix

I'm writing one. In short it's about computer gaming and the moral panic it has created during the last couple of decades. I have read some scientific articles and browsed through old gaming magazines. It seems I'm already full of vigor and brave ideas. I've played computer games all my life, so it's actually very fun and challenging to approach them from an academic point of view.

The sad truth is that I'd much rather play games than write about them. I just had so much fun fragging bots in UT2004 that I think I'll go frag them all over again.

Date:	2006-10-07 17:53
Subject:	Loneliness
Security:	Public
Mood:	lonely

I wish I had more likeminded friends. I'm a very social person and it's very hard for me to be alone. I waited for my roommate all afternoon in hopes that she and I could do something together - like we usually do on saturdays. When she finally appeared she didn't come upstairs to say hi. When I went down to see if I had really heard the door open I found her on the couch reading a book. She told me it was a really lousy book (and so it was!), but she couldn't help being glued to it.

I admit, she never did say she was going to spend the day with me. She wants to read the book. I'd buzz around my s.o., but he is busy baby-sitting his brother's kids today. Suddenly I don't have anyone to socialize with.

So well, I went to see my parents. I had to walk because my bike's tyre went flat. Again. It rained and I didn't have an umbrella. And now as I got here I found out that my folks are busy drinking wine and debating about stuff. They seem to be enjoying themselves and I don't want to be the third wheel.

No one ever calls me. No one really wants to see me. I realized that I belong to an age group where you don't just get to hang around with people before or after class. Occasionally I might meet an interesting person, but there's no time to stop and talk.

Date:	2006-09-27 00:00
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

Date:	2006-09-22 04:08
Subject:	Demonic forces
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

Satan is my new computer. I had no other option than to call him that after I finally got him up and running. The case is all black and gleamy and the fans are ever so silent. But under his dark shell is a vigorous engine capable of infernal speed and performance! Not to mention that during the last few days he has eaten so much warez that I almost feel quilty just thinking about it. The devil made me do it! Anyhow, I can finally start up my Photoshop just like that. And the best part is that Oblivion is looking good enough to eat. The compy I had before could barely run Sid Meier's Pirates with all eye candy switched off.

But enough of all this bragging. Recently I have been doing-

No, wait! I just gotta tell you this. When I boot Satan he says bleep boob peep. And his little blue light winks at me mischievously! "200 Gigas worth of free memory, baby! Wanna play some Unreal Tournament? Hey, let's download something together!" I already thought about downloading 40 gigas of German midget porn just because I can. Now all I need to do is connect my new computer into my old one. Maybe I could eventually make them breed?

Maybe it's for the best if I shut up. If you don't hear from me in a month or two I'm probably still busy hustling around this machine.

P.S. Extra big thanks for my new friend for sharing her copy of Painter with me! You know who you are, dear! Many thanks! I'm absolutely in love with this program. Here's the first scetch I coloured with it.

Date:	2006-09-14 00:07
Subject:	Ze Vonderful Music of ze Night
Security:	Public
Mood:	satisfied

I'm a night owl and an internet vampire of sorts, I guess. Ever since I was a little kid I had terrible difficulties getting sleep and waking up early. I always went to bed at 9 pm, but I'd still be awake after midnight. My parents felt very sorry for me when they had to drag me up from my bed at 7 am after only a five or six hours of sleep or so. During my first school years I had lousy grades simply because I was always so tired.

Now that I'm older it's easier for me to stay up longer and sleep late when I want to. Even now I have my window open so I can enjoy the fresh night air. It smells so cool and wonderful. I live near the university campus area and every now and then I hear muffled sounds of chatter and laughing coming from outside my window. New students are getting to know each other, forming groups and having moderately quiet parties. I've never enjoyed having big parties, but sometimes I like to listen to other people having fun.

Night is my private time. I feel most creative when I'm a little bit of tired. I also love taking long pointless walks during night time. It's not advisable to do so in shady parts of the city, but for example in the countryside it can be very fun and romantic. ^_^

Date:	2006-09-06 15:41
Subject:	September and stuff
Security:	Public
Mood:	silly

You know it's September when the sunlight gets this strange golden colour to it and the air smells fresh and rainy. Here in the north the sun seems kinda lazy, but at least it's still making an effort.

There are not many news to report. I got my ass kicked yesterday in a pirate-themed game. Technically it's not really a traditional card game or a board game, because you play it on the floor and you move these small pirate ships around. Then you roll a dice, shoot your opponent's ships with a cannon and collect little gold coins from treasure islands. Yarr.

I'm a childish person. I like to play games, but unfortunately I'm not a very good loser. I tend to pout. It is said that most winners enjoy the inferiority of their best friends. I certainly do. You know, secretly. ;)

Date:	2006-09-04 02:50
Subject:	Argh, Deviant Arts!
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed
Music:	Branduardi: Gli Alberi Sono Alti

I would do myself a favour if I didn't log in DA too often. Why? Because in DA I keenly watch a great amount of artists and They're All Better Than Me!

Seriously, I have a very bad habit of comparing my stuff to the artwork done by professional people. Real artists, you know. I'm always amazed by the amount of detail in quality illustrations that are far more extravagant and beautiful than anything I could come up with. I know it's stupid to feel this way, because... Well, because it's rather childish. If everyone could paint like Rembrandt, no one would spend their time baking bread and we'd all be dead before noon because, in a fit of agonizing hunger, we would've tried to eat dried-up paint instead of real bakery goods.

The sad thing is that I've always wanted to draw stuff for a living. Every now and then I get this vague feeling that I just might be good enough - or that I might eventually learn to be good enough. I wish I could just stop the flow of time and spend 30 years in some ethereal void learning how to do everything I know better. After that life could just go on and I would finally make some actual money by selling my own prints.

Date:	2006-08-31 21:49
Subject:	Annoyed - again!
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

I never knew that a person could be so shallow! I actually met a human being who treats other people like they were candy; she only likes the ones that are most sweet to her taste and she spits out the ones she for some reason doesn't like. She is so vain, so childish, so rude and obnoxious that it sickens and amazes me.

I know that I'm probably being mean, but I hope that she will end up as a lonely person.

Maybe she already is?

It's said that people tend to hate those who remind them of their own flaws. There might be a grain of truth in this, but I still think that there's something wrong with a person who acts as if she or he was the center of the universe. It's good manners to take other people into consideration, is it not? I'm always flattered when someone seems to be interested in my life and opinions... I don't demand attention like it was my sacred birth right. I'm not always right. I don't always even know what I'm talking about. I'm not more talented or more beautiful than you. You certainly don't need to fuck off if you disagree with my thoughts.

Date:	2006-08-24 17:58
Subject:	Damnations!
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed

I'm very good at mutilating myself. Yesterday I was making some shrimp casserol and I almost sliced my thumb in half while cutting onions. Today I bruned my hand while taking pizza out of the oven. Oh, the agony.

And in other news: I'm getting myself a new computer. It's about time, too. Not that there was anything seriously wrong with my old comp... I just need one with more speed and power to run Photoshop and a number of games (such as Sims 2 and Oblivion) properly. My dad promised me one for my b-day gift.

Unfortunately I haven't received my new computer yet even though my birthday was almost two weeks ago. I don't know what was wrong with that place we ordered the computer from. They promised that the thing would be delivered in two or three days. We called them several times about it and they said they'd call back. They never did. My dad called them today from abroad (he's on a business trip to München) and they just said they had some problem with the deliveries or something. "Sorry, no can do."

Lousy service. They could've at least contacted us instead of keeping us waiting. We're going to buy the computer from some other store.

Date:	2006-08-09 04:34
Subject:	In the heat of the night
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

The air feels hot and moist. It's hard to get sleep. Seems that my cure for insomnia is to draw smut. Either that, or playing computer games until sunrise.

Recently I've had a feeling that my life isn't going anywhere. In september I will continue my studies, but I have no idea what to do after that. I just wish I found some easy and stable job that would leave me some spare time to draw stuff. I don't care much about vast quantities of money or fame. It means more to me that I can get by while doing the things I like.

My roommate is the exact opposite. She studies law and is always reading assloads of books and working part-time in some bureau or another. I think she has a pretty clear vision of how her future is going to be like. She has studied abroad and travelled a lot, doing enthusiastically all kinds of things I would only find difficult and toilsome.

I just drift around. And that's the exact reason I'm writing a sad blog instead of making my life worthwhile. Touché. For all it's worth, at least I know how to use words such as epistemology...

Date:	2006-07-11 00:56
Subject:	Silent Hill and summer games
Security:	Public
Mood:	hot

I'm melting! It's night time and the window is open, but it's still hot as hell. I'm not complaining, though. This is what summer is all about.

Last saturday I went to see Silent Hill with my boyfriend and my roommate. It was pretty good movie, actually - at least if you like horror films. Even better if you've played the Silent Hill games. I actually half expected to see the leading actor bump against walls and other obstacles while being attacked from somewhere behind the camera angle. I also wondered whether the plotline would consist of absurd puzzles such as "throw the pack of juice down the trash chute in order to find the key which opens the box that has a strand of hair inside which you can then in turn use to lure out the butterfly from the air duct etc..."

Well, it turned out that the movie wasn't all bad. Nuff said.

On sunday I went to have some fun with my chums. We gathered at my friend Johanna's house and spent the day playing some old outdoors games we used to play back in the elementary school. It was a "deranged" day as we called it so it was okay to jump rope and be childish in general. We also fought with padded swords (that's fun for real!) and played a game called "mölkky" in which you throw a block of wood and try to knock down other blocks of wood with it. The blocks have numbers and all. The aim of the game is to get 50 points, no more, no less. Very simple and addicting.

I'd tell you more about it, but I gotta see if I can open the window a bit more. It's so damn hot. I wonder if there is any ice tea in the kitchen...

Date:	2006-07-04 15:18
Subject:	Lures of the idiot box
Security:	Public
Mood:	groggy
Music:	Rammstein: Mein Herz Brennt

Sometimes I get these strange urges. For example I've been waiting for quite some time to see a stupid document. Don't get me wrong. I haven't been waiting for any particular document. Every now and then the commercial channel 4 here in Finland has these "4D documents" that are nothing like the entertaining and educational documents about lost cities, European history, artists, politicians and explorers broadcasted by the more prestigious channel 1.

4D documents are social porn at best. I've been wanting to see one just for the heck of it. Today I'm in luck. There's a document about people born without genitals. Just what I was looking for! The last 4D document was about ugly people and I think one was about lethally overweight people. Perfect material for me to null my brain.

That's right, people.

I've been a support member of Greenpeace for some time, but today I also joined Amnesty International. I know I'm just one ant in a huge anthill, but I believe that at least some changes can be made with the right attitude. Check out this site, for example!

http://irrepressible.info/

Amnesty are profiling websites that governments have tried to block and ban. Want to annoy authorities? You can put little fragments of censored content on your own site with a simple piece of code you can simply copy and paste into your internet blog as you write it. The more people do it, the more censored stuff gets seen. Fight the power and stuff. You can also sign an internet petition to call on all governments and companies to ensure the Internet is a force for political freedom, not repression.

Date:	2006-06-27 13:28
Subject:	Rainy day
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

I had a strange dream. I was in a theatre watching a play about vampires. The vampires were accusing each other of something in what seemed to be a vampire court of law. Apparently some important vampire woman of some sort had been found dead and this had sparked up a heated debate on what ought to be done. The historical framework of the play was a bit unclear, but it seemed to me that it was located in 19th century Russia. The best part of the play was when at the very end two delicious (and surprisingly tanned) vampire brothers suddenly kissed and embraced each other like happy lovers - guess they were freed from charges or something.

It has been a while since my dreams had a dosage of yaoi in them.

The worst part of the play was that my seat was very rickety. I was unable to sit still because the seat kept rocking back and forth all the time. People thought I was flailing on my chair just to annoy them. It made me feel uneasy.

I'm aware of the absurdity of this journal entry. Vampires and all.

Date:	2006-06-20 19:37
Subject:	Charha is very sinful
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	October Project: Return to me

I decided to do this little meme thing as well. Eh, it seems I'm not a very good person. But at least I'm honest! Now that I think of it, the chart describes my nature pretty well. What can I say? We all have our faults.

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Very High

Discover Your Sins - Click Here